Origin

*is sad*
This will be the last journal entry that I make for the year. I hope that everyone that read all or some of this web-log were entertained to some degree. I kn0ow that I enjoyed making the enries. There is more to come, rest assured, but I will not be making another entry until at least the 16th of January in the new 2005 year. I want to take a fe moments the thank a couple people...
-Credits etc.-
To Jesus: Lord, I can do nothing right without you. -To Scott Spencer for the enthusiasm and green light on Beach's website ideas. -To Ed: You're a funny and inspiring person.- To Thomas: your wide range of vocabulary inspires me exsuberantly to cognitive elaquence in execution of acquired vonacular language. -To Kurt: Your inexsaustable hyper activity is energizing to everyone around you and on occation has helped me see the better part of the day. -To Beach: Thanks for convincing everyone to get these nifty bloggs, I believe it is a good oportunity for ministry. -To : Thank you for being an audience, I hope that God has touched your life.

-Homage to a Year's End-
...kinda. There's so much to say about the year that I don't quite know where to start, and I have a test to study for, so really I won't get that deep into it. The jest of it is that I'm glad that despite the threat of losing my chances to come back to ECU for Fall 2004, God provided. I doubt that I will be able to stay for the next semester, but I'm glad that God spared me a little of His grace and allowed me to come back despite me. I know my own failings well, they haunt me endlessly for the two week before and after I enter or exit school, yet God's promises are new every morning for me. I am a new creation.
In recognizing that I'm a new creation in Christ, I also understand that I don't deserve it and that people's disappointments in me are justifiable to the point that sometimes I doubt that I could be God's child. Recognizing that I am a new creation, I also recognize that I won't be rid of my laziness and sin until God takes me from this earth. God forgive me for all the times that I know to do work and do not.

Despite how horibble I feel about myself now, I have a poem about new creation. I don't think that it will get much attention because people must be bored after reading all that other text, but it's here if you ever feel lead to come back here and read this entire entry. I don't want to forget to post it, so I'm writing it now instead of holding it for another time.

-Origin-

Lord, you knew me before I was born
You created me, a baby spirit,
Whose uniqueness to adorn

Lord, you loved me so much
You held your hand out
Your thumb for me to clutch
To hide behind your thumb
To escape the sight of the
Evil one

I love you Lord
I danced before you in your palm
Lord I love you for all time

Before you, I was bare
Nothing to hide what I was
Not a single hair

Before you, I was bare
Before you, I need not be ashamed
You annointed me
I called your name

You showed me the earth,
The place I would come to know
As the place of my material presence,
My material home
-A place that made good, hosted bad things
aplace that was also home to satanic fledglings

I saw people hurt, people in need
I saw abusive people, I saw greed

You told me 'that's where I must go
To spread the knowledge of God
Throughout that cold material world

I asked you "Will I find
you again Lord?"
Lord, you said "Yes, I will be with you once more."

He crafted me a body and sent me there
Here in this world, I gladly bear
That there's a God in Heaven,
-That I was reunited with Him and everyone can be too
If the know the good news of God
And give Him your heart to rule

I tell you there's no beter time,
No better time then now

Won't you give your life to Jesus
You'll be eternally freed, this is my solomn vow!


God bless us everyone this season! I pray that this Christmas will bring you much more happiness! May God hold you close to His side, look into His eyes; you'll see your origin.
Jah Bless!
Sincerely,
~BJbear~

E.N.T.J, ISFP, PBIP, OPKJ what?

I'm an ENTJ.

-Trinkets
A while back, there had been a most popular book that was rediscovered and circulated among the members of the UCM, or at least those members of the UCM that love to read. I'm usually not one for reading unless it has sparkly things and pictures to go with it, but it seemed like this book was becoming quite the popular item. I began hearing people refered to by their persona type, it wasn't an uncommon thing to hear some one yell out "ESFJ's!" I was greatly entertained, and as such can not withold from a good bandwagon, so I jumped on.

-The Persona

Some person, which I shall refer to by his nickname(appropriately hailed) "The Rocket." So 'The Rocket' was helping another person to answer the questionaire the book had provided for determining certain qualities. At this point, the rave was pretty much over and I still hadn't a clue what I was so I just had to find out while it was still a hot topic. I found the book lying on an autmun later that day and took the test. I scored 7/3 E to I; 10/11 S to N; 12/8 T to F; and 15/6 J to P. This makes me an ENTJ.
I realize that my counting is off, that all test are for the most part bias when given their own key or reference, and that my answers to the questions were based on how I felt at the moment and could not represent what I feel at any given moment, and finally that personalities can change over time. Recognizing all that, I'm still glad that, I do appreciate some one being decisive enough to see the characteristics in people.

-The ENTJ in Brief-
I totally agreed with the book that, and I quote:"..if one word were used to capture EntJ's style, it would be commandantI"(David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. Please Understand Me: character and temperament types"4th ed. 1984. [pg.187]). I coincide on the points that I like structure, I will ask questions till I understand the vision of an orgainization clearly, I envision the task even further, I must have a reason for doing anything, I get annoyed when others in a group setting do not follow the same set of rules with the same attention to detail, Inefficiancy is not an option for me. I will take charge of a situation if it fits the organization's vision but there are none that are stepping up. ENTJ's comprize and estimated 5% of the population.
But because of a 1 point difference,
-The ESTJ in brief-
ESTJ's think more with intuition than the ENTJ's. As an ESTJ, I like more 'matter-of-fact' input than theory. ESTJ's represent 13% of the population.


.... and... it's late now; so to help The Rocket go home and get him his book back, I'll leave it at that. I think you get an idea about what these personalities are about though.
I HIGHLY recomend picking this book up from your local book store if you get the chance. It's "Please Understand Me: charcter & temperament types" by David Deirsey and Marilyn Bates. I'm headed to bed now.
God bless you and keep you all!
~BJbear

Victory Over ID Exams

This is a prayer of thanksgiving for all the times that God helps me remember. I have a horrible memory and thanks to God's help today, I made it through my last ID Exam in Zoology this semester. It's something that I've been worried about for three weeks.

Lord, I thank you for all the
times that I've forgotten things.
Even when I forget the beauty
of your wonderful world,
You remind me of the wonder
that it is and all the peace
it brings.
Lord, you bring a smile to my
face. You make me to take each
day slowly and depend heavily
upon your grace; which is okay
with me because I can see,
I wouldn't turn to You if all
things were up to me.

Today, I thank you for the
victory over my zoology exam.
with out you there, I'd have
frozen like all the times
before and failed the test
before I even began.

There are no words to express
fully, the wonder that You are.
You've provided me so much and
broght me this far.

Thank you, Lord for this victory!
You caried my burden,
LORD, YOU SET ME FREE!

Bless you, Oh Lord!

Your son,
~BJbear~

Proven Geek

It's official now; I must be a geek. Don't believe me? Check this charactersketch that some one did. While doing my rounds through a very popular art gallery host, I found a picture that was so accurate about the different personas it refuered to that it was absolutely hillarious, so I just had to blog about being a geek and metal head.
NOTE: I DO NOT CONDONE ALL PARTS OF THE SITE THIS WAS FOUND AT, I SIMPLY THOUGHT THIS ONE PEICE ENTERTAINING!
I think I'm partially a Metal head too, because I'm not a push-over.

Update as of 01/22/2005:
Ok. well, you won't be able to get to the link as the person that I found the information on different persona's has since discontinued the gallery that I got it from, so I'm posting the profiles for you... in text. This is of course credited to Amanda K. aka Weremagnus's genius.
-The geek-
>USUALLY LANKY OR STOUT
>HAIR IS USUALLY UNKEPT, LENGTH AND STYLE OF HAIR VARIES
>GLASSES ARE USUALLY NEEDED (NOT SURE WHY, BUT THEY'RE COMMON)
>BAD POSTURE
>DRESS INVERY CASUAL OR SLOPPY CLOTHES
>BAGGY T-SHIRTS AND PANTS
>SHIRTS CAN VARY FROM BAND T's TO GAME T's TO DRAGON T's
>MOST HAVE SOE SORT OF NECK-LACE OR PENDANT OF SOME SORT
>COMMONLY CARRYING A HANDHELd GAME SYSTEM OR DIGICAM...OR BOTH
>BACKPACKS ARE USUALLY WORN EVERYWHERE
>SOME CAN SPEAK FLUENT IN '1337'
>COLOUR OF CHOICE IS BROAD, BUT BLACK OR GREY IS MOSTLY SEEN
>SHOELACES ARE SELDOM TIED
>OVERALL APPEARANCE IS RATHER RELAXED AND UNCARED FOR
>MUSIC CHOICE CAN BE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING, VIDEOGAME MUSIC IS POPULAR CHOICE THOUGH

GEEK
-(Commonly known as nerds or gamers. these types are very laid back, as you can tell by the style of dress , but are also extremely friendly people. Usually they’re also techies and seldom leave their computers. Main means of communication are through instant messengers or online game-play. A common 'event' held by gamers are LAN parties, which is when a group of consoles or PC's are networked together so multiple people can play the same game all together in the same room. It's on of the most common social meetings of geeks.)

-Metal Head-

>STYLE OF DRESS CAH VARY DRASTICALLY, THOUGH COMMON WEAR
CONSITS OF BAGGY PANTS AND HOODIES
> BAND T's ARE VERY COMMON
>HAIR STYLE CAN VARY FROM BALD TO LONG HAIR, THOUGH LONGER HAIR IS MORE, COMMON FOR 'HEAD-BANGING' PURPOSES
>COLLARS AND SPIKED BRACELETS ARE SOMTIMES WORN
>PIERCINGS ARE NOT A S COMMON BUT CAB BE SEEN
>COLOURS OF CHOICE ARE MAINLY BLACK, BUT JEANS AN OTHER DARKER SHADES OF THE COLOURS ARE USUALLY PART OF THE WARDROBE
>CHAINS ARE USUALLY CLUPPED TO THE BELTLOOPS
> A GRUNGEY LOOK AND FEEL TO THE CLOTHING IS SOMETIMES SEEN
THOUGH IS MORE CONSISTANT WITH OLDER METALHEADS
>MUSIC STYLE HAS SEVERAL SUB-GENRES (BLACK METAL, HEAVY METAL, CLASSIC METAL, ETC)
>COMMON BANDS ARE: 'METALLICA', 'IRON MAIDEN', 'SLIPKNOT', 'KORN', 'AC/DC', 'GWAR'

-The Metal Head-
(Commonly known as metal heads, metalers, and moshers. These kids are commonly confused with Goths due to the due to the style of music, but most metal heads and Goths can get along fairly well. The subculture dates back to roughly the 80's and the style and attitude hasn't changed much. Most are fairly friendly and nice, but will defend the music and bands to the last word. Head banging and moshing is a common ritual t concerts and shows. The genre has broken off into quite a few subgenres since the 80's though, such as black metal , death metal, heavy metal, biometal, punk metal, numetal etc. Bands like KoRn and Slipknot resurrected metal within the current generation and also helped educate younger metal heads about the classics such as Iron Maiden and Metallica. Most will 'throw the horns' as a symbol of gratitude to bands or other memb3ers of the subculture... it's kind of like a high-five for metal heads.)

(COPYRIGHT NOTE: ALL INFO AND OPINIONS OVER SUBJECT 'GEEK' AND METALHEAD' ARE Amanda K. aka Weremagnus's GENIUS. SHE AND ONLY SHE IS CREDITED WITH THE COMPILATION)
Also... if you are an artist, credit the person you referenced; not doing so is called plagerism and is illegal in proffessional or corprate domains! You have a responsibility to recognize the environment you present info in, and don't steal art, it's not cool!

Signing off,
~BJbear~

I'm a Halo Slave

Note: I've broken this up into chapters... kinda..so that you could skip ahead if you like. This is a long blog!


For those that don't know, Halo is a video game that was first introduced on a console('dumb' computer) famously known as the Xbox.
-my first kill-
My brothers and I had been hearing about the whole thing from my youngest brother, which I, for the sake of anonimity, shall hither forthe refer to as number4(I am 2 of 4). Number4 had a subscription to Xbox magazine, and read both books that were out at the time that Halo released. He knew most everything there was to know aside from actually playing the game. He, on ocassion would tell my brothers, parents, and I about the game and how we needed to get an Xbox so we could have Halo LAN parties.
So I had heard about how awesome the game was, and liked what I was hearing. Two weeks after it came out, we(my brothers and I) still hadn't bought the game, but number4 would come home to tell of his wild adventures on Halo, in multiplayer, with his friends. It sounded to good to be true so when we finally recieved an Xbox and Halo as a gift from our parents, we were all too ready to do some major multiplayer killing. Since my brother had been playing for a while and the only ones around where me and the others, number4 decided to teach us how to play. We played Blood Gulch: Slayer to start because it had most everything to offer from the game. He put me through a quick tutorial about the various abilities of most weapons on Halo. The moment I saw how in-depth the player movements were and the environments, I was hooked.

-The addiction continues-
I'm currently a student at East Central University and proud of it. I'm also a member of a ministry just outside of campus called the United Campus Ministries. There was no Xbox, I couldn't take the one from home, so I suggested that the UCM get one and buy Halo. The notion didn't fly, but after some more convincing, everyone began thinking it was their own idea. Thus the reign of Halo began at the UCM. People here would use time between classes to play multiplayer Halo. It was awe inspiring. *1 teer of joy*
Everyone loved it. I loved it...*glares* that is until they got good. Then it was a lot harder to mantain my superior phisod. I'm not that good really, but I was easily coaxed into a multiplayer battle on Halo(hither forthe known as H1).

-These Trigger Fingers Just Ain't What The Used To Be-
With the introduction of the new Halo2 game, and the new duel weild action, it was a whole new ball game..er.. odd.ball.game.*smiles coyly* Sadly though, the plasma pistol isn't as fast and a while back, I stopped thinking of multiplayer as a battle and stopped caring about how hard I should push myself though I would die easily just the same. It makes me mad when I die, but I'm still lazy about wanting to win. I won't go into detail about how disappointed I am about the new game, save the fact that I think not having the peaceful bird chirps in the game makes it worse. Oh hoho... so many disappointments that were it not for the multiplayer, I wouldn't play at all.

-The Point-
In a lot of ways, I've lost the addiction to play either Halo in multiplayer, but when asked to, I rarely turn people down. It's curious now that I play even though I don't like the game, I get angry for dying and don't care how I play, and I'm hoping that a N64-esque game for Xbox will take Halo's place. People still hold me as one of the better players around, despite the fact, and play me so they'll get better. Good for them, bad for me because I WAS a bar-setter and if you kill the leader, the pecking order has to go on some how. I'm hoping that fervor comes back to me.

I'll admit to forgetting the time when I play Halo, so I'm a Halo Slave.
Signing out,
~BJbear~
Note: I expect that I'll be getting hammered for this. At least you know the truth.

More favorite bands

I mentioned just a few bands that I really enjoy in the profile. So by now you should know that I really REALLY like hard music. But if that wasn't so obvious... here's some more of my favorite bands. DC Talk, Chevelle, 38th Parallel, Five Iron Frenzy, Rebecca St.James, Reachel Lampa, Staci Orrico, Jaci Velasques, O.C. Supertones, Newsboys,
Some techno:
DJ Sammy"Heaven", DJ GT, "Chrystal Tokyo," "Jaeneiro," "Oceans of Eternety"

Some oldschool rockers:
Van Haylen, AC/DC, ZZ Top, Lenny Kravits

and some more secular Metal Heads:
Disturbed, Metallica, Foo Fighters, Silverchair, Slipknot, Static X

Mostly Christian Rock preference. I don't like everything by those techno, oldschool, and Metal Heads, but I like a lot of it.
~BJbear~

South Town

"Here in the South Town where you know that kid don't play, Put me down in the street. Will I see another day "...." Life doesn't have to be like this!" ~P.O.D. "Southtown

"When you are with me I'm free I'm careless I believe above all the others we'll fly. This brings teers to my eyes My Sacrifice!... ~Creed "My Sacrifice"

"...LET ME REMINESS OVER YOU, MY GOD!" P.O.D-"School of Hardknocks"

Lord I came to a place of hate and teers.
A place where kids get married to young
and fathers try to make it all go away
by getting themselves drunk on beers.

Lord, there's no sense to it all; I can't
see why you would spare us for yet another
day. What difference can I make in this
place?

But Lord, you give me wings to fly.
You help me fly away from these things.
One day you'll come, and that's what
You'll do, but until that time, let
me stay close to you. ...

"When you are with me, I'm free! I'm careless! I belive above all the others we'll fly! This brings teers to my eyes My Sacrifice!"(Creed-"My Sacrifice)
"So let me reminess over You, My God!"(P.O.D.-"School of Harknocks")